A WOMAN IS NO MAN by Etaf Rum

A WOMAN IS NO MAN by Etaf Rum

What an absolutely stunning, thought-provoking, beautifully-written debut novel from Etaf Rum. Gathering my thoughts on this one has been hard, because I want to shout my praise for it, but I also want to be respectful and cognizant of the fact that the struggles identified in this novel are not my reality and will never be my reality. I thank Etaf Rum for sharing this story and creating these characters, for giving me--a white American woman who grew up in a small beach town--the opportunity to peak threw the window into the private lives many Arab-American women are still living. It is a painful story, but one that I think must universally be read.

Now, I say those last two sentences with the acknowledgement that, from the interviews I've read, one of Etaf Rum's greatest struggles in writing this novel was being a champion and a voice for oppressed women in the Arab community without conforming to pre-existing stereotypes. In her interview with Reading Women, Etaf Rum identified this struggle-of-hearts as this: "My main priority was speaking on behalf of women who felt voiceless and unheard, which meant I had to tell their stories, even if those stories were uncomfortable to tell. I think people of color in general, and especially women of color, have the responsibility of representation when deciding to tell their stories. On the one hand, they want to tell a true and authentic story; but on the other hand, there is the fear of representing an entire culture with that story, which is an unfair burden." I think Etaf Rum took this unfair burden with grace, writing a novel that was the opposite of dismissive of these women's lives and of this community, but that made me think--what can I do to help? How can I better understand these women, their devotion to their community, their strength to keep going?

The shinning moment of this novel for me was its emphasis on the distinction between culture and religion. This is a line that is often blurred when it comes to understanding communities different from our own. It was eye-opening and refreshing to see this contrast expressed in this story, and something that should be a big talking point for group discussions on this book.

Another aspect of this story that I LOVED was how central books were to these women finding comfort and knowledge in their lives. I could feel Etaf Rum's own passion for reading seeping through the pages.

Gosh, I have so many great things to say about this one. I applaud Etaf Rum for having the courage and tenacity to write this novel as her debut novel and I highly recommend it.

CW: domestic abuse, violence against women, oppression of women, murder, death, parental abandonment, child abandonment, suicide